Wake up America! Iceberg Lettuce is the GOAT!

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In the last week there were not one, but TWO articles written by Bloomberg journalists slandering the good name of Iceberg lettuce and pushing the agenda of Big Romaine. Listen, this is America and there are many great things about this country; an argument could be made that the best of which is everyone has the right (notice I didn’t say ability) to think freely and is entitled to their opinion. Now I’ll throw hands on sight to keep that freedom to share ideas and form opinions, even if they are wrong…and boy is Bloomberg wrong.

Iceberg lettuce has been, is, and always will be the most versatile of all lettuce varieties. Making tacos? Shredded Iceberg. Want a sandwich or a wrap? Nothing is going to provide the crunch and textural difference better than Iceberg. Being shamed into getting a salad at a steakhouse? Wedge salad slathered in blue cheese and heaps of bacon is the ideal cheat code. Making stir-fry? Iceberg is a perfect substitute for cabbage and holds up surprisingly well. Feeling lazy or need a quick lunch? Bagged salad with iceberg, carrots, and radishes will fix you right up. Much like Bubba (not that Bubba) rifling through all the shrimp dishes in Forrest Gump, I’d need cut scene after cut scene to get all the possibilities out.

Now, thinking about 10k’s very own Bubba put an idea in my head. There’s a group of elite food-eating experts I’d like him to meet: The University of Minnesota Lettuce Club. They’ve gotten some recognition in the last year or two for their unorthodox club where they (you guessed it) eat lettuce. Every semester, the lettuce club meets to determine their new president by seeing who can eat a head of lettuce the fastest. Their Lettuce of choice? Iceberg. This past April, COVID threw a wrench in the club’s agenda, but they ended up doing it virtually. The record time of the winner was 4:41 and if that’s not a food challenge Bubba is willing to take on, some might call him a fraud. (Editor’s Note: He’s a fraud).

It’s 2020, so by now your mother, girlfriend, and everyone on the Food Network has probably already tried telling you things like, “Romaine has so much more nutritional value than iceberg”. Sure, that may be true, but an easy and valid response would be, “At least I’m eating lettuce, can’t you just be happy for me?” While that would be perfectly acceptable, the ultimate clap back would be the fact that Romaine Lettuce and other Leafy Greens have been linked to an E. coli outbreak by the CDC in each of the last three years. You know what you don’t see on that list? Iceberg.

Case dismissed.