So you’re one of the 500 THOUSAND new golfers that picked up that game in the last year. Before, you’d probably only hit the links on bachelor party weekends, but now you’re ready to commit. Who can blame you, Minnesota just held the 3M Open and everyone under the sun seems to be talking about golf in general now. Let us at 10k be the first to say congratulations on your upcoming bout with alcoholism and anger management issues! Don’t worry, we’re all in this together and here to help.
There is only ONE piece of advice all new golfers should follow universally, and its important. Under NO circumstances are you allowed to buy or use iron covers. For any reason. Ever. It’s the one item you’re allowed to tell your significant other to return if you get it as a gift. Even walking to the car with them on should be enough shame for anyone to turtle and hide their face. You’re unequivocally socially inept if you rock these willingly. I’d befriend the guy walking the crowded streets blaring his own music or talking on speakerphone before someone with iron covers.
New paragraph, you think I’m done talking about iron covers, right? Wrong. This point cannot be emphasized or driven home enough. They’re impractical to have to take off and put on for every shot on the course, and if you’re new to golf you’re going to be doing that A LOT. Also, your clubs are made out of carbon steel, what exactly are you protecting them from? I could go on for an entire article, but save me and everyone else the trouble and just don’t use them.
Playing the Muni
If you were brought up on the tit of your parents’ accomplishments, you might be lucky enough to start off at the country club. The rest of us start off playing municipal and city courses. There’s no shame in this game, it makes you normal which is all anyone today can hope to achieve. With that in mind there’s some things to be prepared for.
The courses you’re going to be able to get on are not going to be in the same condition you see on TV. There’s going to be soggy spots on some courses and others are going to be drier than a woman’s panties when she sees the jeans and flip flops combo. Whenever you’re in doubt of whether the ball is “playable” just use the foot wedge to push the ball 5’ left or right and swing your stick. If somebody calls you out, flip ‘em the bird and say “I thought we were playing winter rules”. It doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the summer, clean and place always plays outside of a tournament.
Unless you’ve convinced a big enough group of your friends to start golfing to book out complete foursomes every time, you’re eventually going to get paired up with other people. If you’re lucky, they’re out there trying to grind out double-digit scores while throwing back a couple drinks like you are. Every so often, you’ll be unlucky enough to get stuck with a bad group for whatever reason. Just pretend to be a mute, play your game, and get out of there. When you find yourself in a situation where it’s unbearable at the turn, just say you got the shits and bounce. Nobody asks about diarrhea.
Bring the fun
News flash, Golf is hard. Nobody likes playing with the guy who takes it too seriously, so when you inevitably slice your drive into the next county, chunk a long-iron, or skull fuck a wedge shot, just do your best to laugh it off. Self-deprecating humor has played in everyday life for the last 50 years and the same is true on the course. We’re all idiot hacks out there. If you weren’t, you’d be getting paid to play Thursday through Sunday. Just chill out, bro.
Drinks on the course is always a hot topic between golfers. The lawful people of the golf world prefer to get everything at the course and they’re rewarded by having it be cold all day long. Other people pack their bags with as many drinks as they can fit and suffer through warm beers on the back nine. With drink prices on the course rivaling those required to make a cup snake, most people live somewhere in the middle. As a general rule, pay for a round with the cart girl up front, tip her well, and then you can drink whatever you’ve packed without being a complete degenerate.
Finally, lets talk tunes. Music on the course can be great. It can also be incredibly annoying. There’s typically 4 rules/steps for deciding on music for the course. If you paid more than $75 for your round, its probably the type of course where you don’t want to be blasting beats. Feel out the vibe of the group and see if you’re shooting for low scores, if not then that’s a green-light.
Then you just have to pick a playlist; no free ads, but just search golf on Spotify (or whatever other inferior app you use) and pick the one that fits the group best. Lastly, keep the volume to your group. Other people are inevitably going to hear it, but as long as you’re not singing along to Barbie Girl while the group in front of you is trying to tee off, you’ll be fine.
There’s so many topics to cover when introducing people to the game. I know my audience though and I’ll be lucky if your attention span made it this far! Hell, I know I’d be back and forth between here, TikTok, Twitter, and Instagram 3x by now. Obviously we’ll be re-visiting this topic to cover some more of the other points. What do you think needs to be brought to the top of the list? Let me know on Twitter (@venividiveech) and Instagram or just hit any of the 10k main handles. We’ll get the main Twitter account back from Celine Dion someday soon.
When it’s all said and done, just have fun and don’t be a dick. The courses are GOING to be packed with all the other new golfers picking up the game and everyone else who was already there. Whatever type of golfer you are, 10k has got the perfect event for you. We’re hosting our first golf tournament! We’ve partnered with Jason and Carly Zucker’s “Give 16 Campaign” to help raise money for an awesome cause! I promise you won’t find a better tournament deal anywhere else.
Get your crew together and sign up here. On September 30th, it’ll be a shotgun start, 4-man scramble format. That means nobody’s got to make every single shot and ANYBODY can play the role of hero and make a big putt. Cost includes your round, range balls, cart, dinner, and more. At the cost with all that coming your way, you’re basically going for free! Golf for the common man, by the common man’s brand.
I’ve been hit by cars three times, which is an indication of how long it takes me to learn a lesson.
I write about everything across the board, but focus on Hockey and the pain that is Minnesota sports.
Argue with me on Twitter: @venividiveech