Do you ever drink something and think to yourself, “wow, this tastes just like Byron Buxton?!” (Actually, don’t answer that). Each Minnesota Twins player has a Minnesota beer doppelganger and you’re allowed to disagree with me on my selections but I’m still here to provide you the answers. So which Minnesota beer is each Minnesota Twins player? Well, let’s find out.
Willians Astudillo – Summit EPA from Summit BrewingThis isn’t the best beer for
José Berríos – Peanut Butter Porter from Dangerous Man Brewing
Are there other options at Dangerous Man? Yes. Do any of them matter? No. Are there other pitchers in the Twins rotation? Yes. Do any of them matter? No.
Randy Dobnak – Hamm’s Beer from, well, no longer a Minnesota company but I’m counting it anyway.Quirky with an almost cult-like following for no discernible reason.
Jorge Polanco – Castle Cream Ale from Castle Danger Brewing
The new, old reliable. It won’t be your favorite but it also ever really disappoints and can always be found when you need something familiar.
Josh Donaldson – Tiger King from Mongumary BrewingUsed to be absolutely dominate but now just feels outdated and it’s just not that cool. Actually I’ve never had this beer, the name just sounded right. Plus, I mean, the mullet.
Nelson Cruz – Schell’s Deer Brand from August Schell’s Brewery
Shells Brewery is the 2nd oldest family-owned brewery in the United States and Nelson Cruz is the 3rd oldest active player in MLB. However, they both still slap.
Trevor Larnach – Tribs of Galway from LTD Brewery
Oh, you’ve never heard of this beer? Exactly. But it might be awesome.
Byron Buxton – Mini Donut Beer from Lift Bridge Brewing
This is the best beer on this list for about two weeks out of the year. Then it becomes unavailable for the rest of the year–sound familiar? Maybe this is what makes it special though. We get the magic in small doses and never have the chance to get sick of it.
Alex Kirilloff – Bombajuice Seltzer from Gray DuckNope, Alex is not a beer. He’s new and exciting, refreshing, and all signs point to a bright future.
There’s also a large battle of IPA vs. non-IPAs vs. seltzers going on at 10K right now. You can check out the list of seltzers that Marlow likes here.
Rocco Baldelli – Grapefruit Lonely Blonde from Fulton Brewery
Is this beer good or bad? I can’t tell. Sometimes I love it so much but other times it goes directly in the trash.
Max Kepler – Todd the Axe Man from Surly Brewing
A little bit overrated but still packs a hell of a punch and is still better than most other options.
Mitch Garver – Orange Dream State from Tin Whiskers
Never a beer you think of—sometimes you forget it exists, but always better than you think it is.
Michael Pineda – JUICE-Z from Lift Bridge Brewery
I mean, come on… He didn’t get a 60-game suspension for me to NOT make a juicing joke.
The rest of the pitching staff: Beer 30 Light from Melanie Brewing Company
I know this isn’t a Minnesota beer but it’s cheap, barely works, and leaves you feeling bloated and full of regret.
So the next time you’re enjoying one of Minnesota’s many breweries, think to yourself, which Minnesota Twins player is this? Need help figuring out which breweries to hit up? Well if you’re an IPA fan this list might help. But I get it, not everyone is a fan of IPAs. While you’re traveling around to all the breweries, make sure to check out our list of which foods you need to eat.
And don’t stop drinking until you can make a cup snake larger than this one.
Have any more ideas? Tweet me! @NickLewis37
I was in at least 3 people’s Myspace Top 8. I have as many NBA Championships as Tom Brady. I’m probably too old to be here. @NickLewis37