White Noise Machines Are For Sickos

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Whether or not you’ve had a long day at work or long night out with friends, there’s nothing like crawling into a bed and finally getting the chance to crash. That feeling when you shut off the lights, crawl into the covers in peace and quiet. Unless you like to listen to annoying constant noise all night. Then white noise machines are for you. AND WHITE NOISE MACHINES ARE FOR SICKOS!

My Recent Experience

This past weekend I was in the lovely city of Buffalo, New York for the Vikings/Bills game (skol). I went with three other buddies and naturally as 30 year old men do, we all shared a hotel room with two queen beds. Two guys to a bed is not the end of the world. Might hear or catch a sniff of a fart from time to time or someone may have a light snore due to intoxication but hey you’re sharing a room.

Then I have this one friend we’ll call Chris (to protect his identity). Chris whips out his laptop and starts playing what sounds like a commercial airplane starting it’s engines after it had been sitting all night in the cold. I thought to myself, ” Wow those new apple computers are awfully loud.” I was so wrong. It was a white noise machine and white noise machines are for sickos!

Turns out he’s a sicko that needs to listen to what sounds like a hissing cat all night to be able to sleep.

The Fuck?!

How the hell do people sleep to that shit. What should’ve been a peaceful, beautiful night in the Buffalo Hampton Inn was ruined by what sounded like a drive belt on a 98 Honda Accord about to snap off.

In my past experience with sleep (30 years) and talking to others with extended experience sleeping, I’ve come to learn the prime conditions for sleep. You want it cool, quiet and comfortable. The science is all there. Need more proof? Lets ask google.

Weird…Google and the CDC think the same as me and all the non sickos in the world. REDUCE NOISE!

Or ever heard the song “Silent Night?” Even JESUS HIMSELF likes the noise at minimum when catching some z’s.

See? Carrie Underwood (dibs) gets it.

All I ask is that you try and not be a sicko and get a good nights sleep in some god damn peace and quiet.