Why Does Iowa Suck?

Football Gophers NCAA

It’s the age-old question. Why does Iowa suck? Is it the brutal landscape of nothing but flat land and cornfields that could make this state Nebraska’s ugly step-sister? Is it the scenery filled with Kum & Go‘s on every corner?

It’s none of those things actually. I’ll ask it again, why does Iowa suck?

Answer: Because the river flows south, literally

This state sucks for many reasons, but I thought you should know they literally and naturally suck.

The Gophers take on the Iowa Hawkeyes this Saturday, and unfortunately, to see this game in person you have to go to the atroCITY that is Iowa City. But fortunately, University of Minnesota Onside Kicking Coach Specialist, Mike Hawk will be making the trip:

Coach Hawk always makes games better. Maybe an onside kick will decide the game and make the experience in Iowa a positive one.

The Gophers are neck-and-neck in the Big Ten West standings, and once again, seem to be close to breaking into territory they haven’t seen in a long long time. They always manage to screw it up, because in the end, this is Minnesota. Only here we get ranked, give our coach a seven-year extension, and lose to a bottom feeder in the Big Ten the next week.

But let’s redeem ourselves this week, huh?

Row the Boat! Ski-U-Mah! Go Gophers!


This is why PJ banned coach Mike Hawk from the field! #skiumah〽️ #ncaa #football

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