Minnesota Wild Relocation Options

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With the Wild free falling in the standings many fans, myself included, are panicking. Let’s face it, the team looks terrible right now.

They aren’t scoring until it’s too late, they can’t kill a damn penalty to save their life, we can’t win a face off, both goaltenders are letting in softer goals than a roll of Charmin. It’s a damn mess.

As usual in Minnesota, the team got us excited. We believed, we bought in, and just like that I have nothing but doubt. I’ve been hurt before, but today I take a stand. If we don’t make the playoffs I never want to see the Wild play in Minnesota again. And if that does happen, I put some ideas on where we can move this sorry ass franchise to, so without further ado here are my incredibly serious considerations for Wild relocation.

The Houston Hedgehogs

The 4th largest market in the United States would draw people. Even if it isn’t a huge hockey market, they already have 3 major sport teams and have an arena ready with the Rockets. Plus, the Wild could just bring back the Houston Aeros bit except for this time, it’s the big boy club.

The Salt Lake City Sloths

Utah Jazz typically have high attendance and they could have a fun rivalry with both Southern California hockey teams and the 2 desert teams. Plus how great would it be to see this play every time they score a goal?

The Milwaukee Minotaurs

No NHL team in Wisconsin in a market that has 3 pretty successful pro sport teams already. They would have an immediate rivalry with the Blackhawks and Red Wings by lack of distance between cities.

The Two Harbors Tasmanian Devils

Two Harbors is in the State of Hockey still so they would get eyes locked on them early, Amsoil could serve as a temporary home until the permanent arena is built on a man made island in Lake Superior off the shore of Two Harbors. A Great Lakes version of Alcatraz. Instead of a prison, it’s home to the Tasmanian Devils hockey club.

The Helena Heifers

Admittedly I don’t know much about Montana. But I do know it’s gorgeous and the Heifers is a sick name. Why not?

All jokes aside I love the Wild. I love all Minnesota sports teams (sadly). I think they’ll be fine. Every team hits a bump in the road, our bump has been big, but we’ll get back on track and not only make the playoffs but win a playoff series. That’s my Wild take. No need to worry about Wild relocation anytime soon (but Norm Green still sucks).