Will The Gophers Beat Ohio State? Let’s Not Forget We’re Minnesota Sports Fans

Football Gophers

We’re getting close ladies and gentlemen. The Fall is upon us.

This not only means Oktoberfest beers, pumpkin spice lattes and ladies walking around in yoga pants…


What a great time of year to be optimistic about your teams chances at making a run at a conference championship let alone a national championship.

WELL PUMP THE FUCKING BRAKES! Don’t forget, we’re Minnesota sports fans.

Beginning of Greatness or Beginning of the End

I can’t possibly think of a better way to start off the 2021 campaign for the Gophers…except not playing the fucking Ohio State Buckeyes right off the bat.

The first couple games of the season is where we can work out the kinks and find our team and beat the piss out of random ass teams. Where are all those teams that no one’s heard of? Maybe a Middle Tennessee? Arkansas Pine-Bluff? Austin Peay? I would take any of those juggernauts over Ohio State for game 1.

The Gophers have lost 11 straight games against Ohio State. ELEVEN. And most of the games haven’t really been all the close either. The closest game in recent history was in 2014 when they lost 24-31 in an November Minnesota snow storm. But let’s not all forget who really stole the show on that snowy November afternoon…Dan Lehman aka ‘Dilly Bar Dan.’

What a true fucking legend. I’m a little bummed out this doesn’t get too much attention anymore but I remember watching this game at Joe Senser’s in Bloomington (RIP) and cheering louder than I ever have when they showed this dilly bar eating son of a gun. It’s the little things us Minnesota sports fans need to find joy in when we lose to the same team for 11 straight. But who knows? Maybe they could win? Fucking doubt it, but you never know.

Rose Bowl or Toilet Bowl?

What could be more Minnesota sports team than completely the game? Somehow winning that game to only fall to some other fucking loser like Bowling Green or Wisconsin. (Calm down Madison. We know you’re going to be good but suck it)

Theoretically lets say the Gophers put a beat down on Ohio State. I have no doubt in my mind that even if that miracle happens we could easily be right back in Detroit fighting in the Quicklane Bowl against Georgia Tech or some bullshit.

Nothing against any other teams, but any illogical sports fan like myself will be absolutely crushed once we finally blow the season to a much worse team than Ohio State. What a Minnesota sports thing for them to do to us and what a kick to the nuts it would be.

Maybe We’ll Party Like It’s 1962

1962. That was the last time the Gophers were in the Rose Bowl. 1962! God dammit Minnesota sports suck.

It’s tough not to be discouraged when thinking about Minnesota sports, but you never know when it’s going to be our year. What if the Gophers beat Ohio state and then make a run and maybe only lose a game to a decent team and win a Big Ten Championship? Go to the Rose Bowl and win that bitch?! That would be the fucking tits and I would party my way though the whole thing.

Ultimately that’s what I’m really excited about. Going to a couple of games, getting hammered at some tailgates and just enjoying the show.

Maybe 10k could do some tailgate cup snakes? @jackleverentz @jj @wagnerzane