WTF is the PGA Tour’s Problem with Men in Shorts?


The PGA has a lot of rules I would politely call “Fucking Stupid.” Using caddies instead of carts to speed up the game…allowing cheatin’ Patrick Reed to keep his tour card. If I was in charge of golf, my first order of business would be allowing fans to make noise and heckle players at ANY time. I don’t see Miguel Sano getting distracted when fans remind him how terrible he is at baseball on his way back to the dugout after yet another strikeout.

But then things start to make sense when a guy like Charley Hoffman opens his face-hole.

Check out Charley’s quote regarding the shorts situation from just last year:

“As much as I like to wear shorts being a Southern California kid, I just think the product looks a lot better, a lot more clean [with pants],” Hoffman said. “Not sure if that is the older side of me. I don’t mind shorts, but I tend to believe it’s more of a professional look with pants.”

The quickest way to keep golf clean and better looking is send Charley packin’. I can’t even tell which one Harry Donne is.

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK you in your big dumbass face Charley. Not sure if you noticed, but playing in a PGA golf tournament is not usually confused with a boardroom at Goldman fuckin’ Sachs. It’s hot outside bud. FIGURE IT OUT.

I also totally forgot that So-Cal is the shorts wearing capital of the world. So your logic is it was kinda hot where you grew up, so you’re a pants/shorts expert above everyone else?…Suck it Charley.

BTW: I hate the way you spell your fucking stupid name and I hate your pants opinions. Do you think that football players look unprofessional in their pads and helmets? Do you watch Lebron run up and down the court in shorts and whisper to yourself, with a Grinch-like grin, “Shorts? Amateur.”?

So he lived in some heat and he likes to treat the course like a business meeting. Sounds like a bunch of moo points to me. Particularly his ridiculous comment about professionalism. It doesn’t matter.

Thanks Joey. You deserve a sandwich wrapped in tin foil.

Christ people, the PGA didn’t even let pro’s wear shorts DURING THEIR PRACTICE ROUNDS until a few years ago. The LPGA allows women to wear shorts. But if the ladies wore pants the old, white, pervert crowd may turn the channel. And the pervs make up at least 50% of the LPGA’s viewership.

The Real Issue for the PGA to Consider is Billy Mayfair’s Swamp-Ass.

Does the PGA Player Advisory Committee have any suggestions as to how Billy Fucking Mayfair (actual legal name) can lower the amount of ass and ball sweat running down his legs soaking into his socks every round? The man suffered through years of swamp-ass and stink-balls his entire career on the tour. Cost him an estimated 2 putts per round.

I have a suggestion. There’s this new invention they’re talkin’ bout. They look like pants only shorter….hmm.

I wonder how “Charley with an E-Y” would feel if he saw me on the course in my shorts and plain white t-shirt blasting a sweet, jammed-out “Weekapaug Groove” from my Bose while smoking bowls in the cart between shots. Probably really close to the way I feel every time I write his stupid spelled name. He shoulda just gone with “CharLee.” At least that’s stupid enough to be funny.

Coincidentally, the above phrase “At least that’s stupid enough to be funny” was the exact phrase his wife said when she first saw his dick. Or at least that’s what she told me before she left last night.

Stop worrying about what other people wear and make some more fucking putts bro. It’s just a goddamn game.


I leave you with the aforementioned jammed-out “Weekapaug Groove,” by Phish.

Rock n’ Roll ladies ad gentlemen.