Plesac breaks thumb, needs to relearn how to take shirt off

Zach Plesac – Welcome to The List of Freak Injuries

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Cleveland Indians relief pitcher Zach Plesac is once again grabbing headlines around the country. Like last time, it’s not for something he did on the field of play. It’s what he did inside the clubhouse.

I could just say Plesac broke his thumb in a freak accident, which is true. But that doesn’t do how he injured himself justice.

Per Indians Manager Terry Francona, Plesac broke his thumb “aggressively ripping his shirt off”.

Plesac breaks thumb, needs to relearn how to take shirt off
Zach Plesac making another boneheaded decision

Yes, you read that right. And yes, I thought of Hulk Hogan too!

This comes just about a month after Oakland Athletics Pitcher Jesús Luzardo broke his pinky playing video games.. Luzardo probably was playing MLB The Show 21 and didn’t get a check swing called in his favor and banged his hand on the table in anger, much like I would’ve done!

I relate to Luzardo a bit more than Plesac, but Plesac’s was more embarrassing by far. How would you feel if you were known as the idiot who broke his thumb trying to take your shirt off? If that were me, I would spend my time on the injured list in bed with a 24-pack of McGolden’s trying to forget it.

Plesac has definitely earned a spot on the List of Freak Baseball Injuries.

Zach Plesac under the microscope again

As I mentioned earlier, this isn’t the first time Plesac has been the topic of the sports world. In August of 2020, Plesac broke COVID-19 protocols when he left the team hotel and met up with friends while the team was in Chicago. I totally get wanting to go have some fun in the Windy City with the boys! But when you’re a professional baseball player, you are held to a different standard.

Plesac clearly has a talent for attracting bad publicity.

Once Plesac’s injury has healed and he’s back playing with the Indians, he’ll mature a bit. Maybe he’ll learn from this mistake and learn how to aggressively rip his shirt off correctly. Maybe, he’ll even read this article and learn how to do it from me!

How to *ACTUALLY* aggressively rip your shirt off!

Since Plesac’s shirt allegedly got caught on a chair when he was in the act of aggressively ripping his shirt off, I’ll skip teaching you how to take it off like a normal fucking human being.

I’m going to teach you how to go from this To THIS!

You before learning how to aggressively rip your shirt off
Hulk Hogan ripping shirt off
You after learning how to aggressively rip your shirt off

Step One: Put on Thin Crappy Shirt

It’s easier to rip.

Step Two: Place Both Hands in The Middle of Your Chest an Inch and a Half Apart

Don’t need to be precise, just somewhere a little above the middle of your chest and far enough away where there is a little bit of give when you pull the shirt.

Step Three: Grip The Shit Out of Your Shirt With Pressure From All Fingers, Especially Thumbs

Really dig in with those thumbs. You have them for a reason, fucking use them.

Step Four: Take in a Deep Breath

The calm before the storm. Find your inner strength.

Step Five: Pull Your Arms Away from Your Body


Repeat The Steps One Through Five Until You’re Successful

Remember, Michael Jordan didn’t even make his high school basketball team. You’ll rip your shirt aggressively someday, champ. If you did it, congrats! Go enjoy a nice cold McGolden with your shirt in shreds, you shirtless Greek God!

Plesac needs to get his shit together

Plesac really needs to figure shit out. He’s not a bad guy, but he sure as hell isn’t doing very well in the thinking department. He’s a good young relief pitcher. If he could stay on the field instead of on the injured list or suspension list, Plesac could be an All-Star.

Plesac, stay out of the headlines for a bit now, please.